Relationships are one of those things that, from our early school years, we just seem to really need.
We often obsess over every detail such as our ‘type’, what gender, how we want them, where we
want them, what size, what creed, what nationality, what hair color, eye color, sporting
background, hobbies, coffee or tea drinker, horoscope, etc… Basically to sum it up, it’s about the ideal compatibility.
We will literally do anything to find the right partner, or multiple partners, to complete what we
think will fill our cup, or to put it another way, to make us whole.
What is this thing that we are after that we ever so passionately long for? Is it something that is just there because it’s “What you do”? You find a girlfriend/boyfriend, you have a little romance, and you get engaged, the big day comes along when you get married (which costs you a fortune), you then welcome your 2.5 children some 9 months after the honeymoon. You then find yourself buying a house, cars, and all of the little things in life that you don’t need, in order to fill that void that you think needs filling.
After all this you find yourself 40, lonely, depressed, in a job that you can’t stand, and married to a
person that you thought was perfect when you were young, but have since realized, just isn’t filling your cup anymore. Maybe the person that you’ve devoted your life to for the past, say 20 years, and have had the 2.5 children with has even decided that you don’t fit their mold of a perfect life
I’m going to call this the typically unhappy dead-end relationship.
Now, this is a very broad overview, but it’s just one of the many outcomes of a relationship.
There is also the happily ever after scenario. This scenario involves the elderly couple you might see at the coffee shop drinking their coffee, holding hands, and looking ever so lovingly into each other’s eyes. This is the couple that has been together since they were 14 years old, who met in high school and have only had eyes for each other from the moment they met.
My final scenario is the second chance relationship. This is the one where two people, after having
been through the wringer of a couple of bad relationships, somehow meet each other through the
oddest of circumstances. Quite often they test each other to make sure that this person is not going to hurt them like they’ve been hurt so often in the past. Sometimes they find themselves putting their kids first, to their own detriment, they have their extended families telling them to stay single, that they don’t want to get hurt again, look after the kids, do what you should do, don’t get out of your comfort zone – all whilst you remember being stung from past relationships.
Then you find this little voice inside, saying that you need to look after yourself, and despite the tests and games, this new person in your life sticks around. You find yourself head over heels in love with this person and you want to spend the rest of your life making each other happy.
The children will grow and leave the nest and the nay-sayers will always have their little rants
therefore it is best to just nod your head, thank them and go about living your life the way that
makes you happiest.
My best illustration of this is myself. Look at me, 40-odd years old, 2 failed marriages, 3 children, and a partridge in a pear tree.
But I have found who I think I was always meant to be with. Don’t get me wrong, at first glance, we
would never have chosen each other, but through the workings of the universe we have ended up
together and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now this person is 100% exactly who I need in my
life, she wants me to be me, she doesn’t want to mold me into someone perfect because to her I
am just the man she loves no matter what, and I feel the same about her. I am perfect to her, and
her to me.
At one point we did come to a crossroads in our relationship, where we had a choice to be together and aspire to be that loving old couple in the coffee shop, or we could go our separate ways only concerned with the present and not the future, thankfully we both chose the same path and to continue to walk it together - we are even getting married in the near future and have an amazing future planned out.
As I am writing this piece right now, I feel regret for leaving my partner to go to bed on her own
while I take the time to write while I have this piece forming in my head. I keep glancing over at her
peacefully sleeping while cuddling my pillow and loving her every breath with every part of my being looking forward to the life that we have ahead of us.
Earlier today, via a text message I told her –
You know that I love you so much, it gives me the best feeling. Although I’m sort of feeling greedy
because everyone should be able to feel as good as I do right now!!! If only they knew…
To be able to find this love has been an absolute blessing. Whether you’re just starting out in a new relationship, ending a bad one or you’ve been with your partner for what seems like an eternity, be happy and love – love like your life depends on it.
Make sure you put your heart and soul into everything that you have because we only have a limited time on this rock we call earth, and life is like a big game, and the better we play the game the better things are for us.
So, make the most of it, be happy, wake up and be grateful for everything that you have. Be grateful for your friends and family, be grateful for life, and make the most of what you have.
Above all, love with all your heart, there are no rules, so love, love, love, and then love some more!!!